Learning to Love Others

"Emily, do you like to eat?" "I can tell."

"That's so irritating, just like Emily."

"I find you annoying and childish."

These words still bounce around in my head from time to time. Each of these sentiments were spoken to me by a girl that I knew in middle school and high school who told me that she was my friend, but really didn't act like it. Throughout the whole seven years of knowing her, she looked down on me, bullied me, and inflicted wounds with her words that never really healed. Because of this girl, I now have trust issues and self-doubt, and a hard time liking myself for who God created me to be. She seemed to have an incurable case of "holier than thou". And yet I suffered through it because we were friends with the same group of people, and I didn't want to lose my real friends by leaving the group. Now in college, I have a similar case with another group of friends and another case of "holier than thou".

In your life, you will meet people that will act like they are better than you, with an attitude of self-righteousness that doesn't seem to go away no matter how much you tell them that their words and actions actually hurt people. But what do you do? Well, the solution is simple, but not the easiest one to follow through with: love them.

It sounds difficult, and it is; but it's not impossible. As humans, our first instinct when others wrong us is usually to get back at them, hold petty grudges, and to tell others all about them and what they did. But what we are called to do is to extend grace and show them love, even when they are at their most unlovable. One passage that I feel explains this concept of love is 1 John 4:19-21:

"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."

1 John 4:19-21 (ESV)

We love because He first loved us. Jesus leads by example, a powerful example that we should really make an effort to follow, though it may not sound like the easiest. Practice this kind of love that Jesus has so graciously shown to us, the kind of love that "issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." (1 Timothy 1:5). A passage in Colossians really hits this idea home:

"Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)

God commands us to live a life lead by love, giving up on our own selfish human nature to model our nature after His. Rather than pushing people away that hurt you or that you don't particularly get along well with, offer them forgiveness and grace, and choose to pray for them instead. Sisters, kindly put on love like you would put on a warm sweater, and live comfortably in it; do this to be an example to your fellow sisters (and brothers) in Christ, by lifting them up and not dragging them down when they try to drag you down. Please do not choose to live in bitterness and anger. Put the needs of others above your own, though it is a challenge at times.

You will always encounter someone with a case of "holier than thou", but that doesn't mean that you have to develop a case of it yourselves. Be the kind of woman instead that could possibly help cure them of their case that you probably previously believed to be incurable, and pray fervently that Jesus could convict them of their actions and behavior. Pray that Jesus would be the cure that they desperately need.

I'll leave you one last passage to help you understand this idea of love:

"“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."

Matthew 5:43-45 (ESV)

Even if someone does mistreat you, or bully you, or puts you down, or seems to hate you altogether, choose to love them. "Kill them with kindness", so to speak. Love them so much with the love of Christ that they learn to love others too. And remember, you never know exactly what could be happening in a person's life; they may be going through trials and tribulations that we cannot even begin to imagine. Only Jesus can rescue them from those trials and tribulations; all you can do is love them and pray for them like there's no tomorrow.

Love, Em